Apples? More like toast and oranges.
Well. I've calmed down a bit since yesterday. Fretting less, especially after some inside info given by a very nice HR person. Asking questions is awesome.
Thought #1: I know I'm pretty whiney about this whole job thing. It's hard not to be, especially when I'm starting to dislike teaching because the job hunt has been so fruitless. But I've got it better than 90% of the planet. So just suck it up and keep plugging along, Emo-Self-Pitying-Self.
Thought #2: At the same time, there are people who have it "better" than me. Not that they don't have problems, but they are teaching and I'm not. A lot of them started teaching after I did too! What have I been doing wrong? How did they manage to get it right, seemingly effortlessly? Is it just the anomaly that SCUSD? Because most of them got jobs through their student teaching placements - for places like social studies, and elementary; placements that, according to the Department of Labor's Occupational Outlook Handbook has had "adequate" teachers for the past 10+ years! When I've been applying to the same elementary, and the "high need" math areas and I've got squat. Did I not ask the right people? Was I not forward enough? So many questions comparing my slow-developing-so-much-more-to-travel path to teaching and these younger-than-me-but-further-along-their-path people I know. So very few answers.
Thought #3: Which leads me to this: I compare WAY too much. I need to look at the absolutes more than the relatives. Just like how I look at the absolutes in academic performance of my students. Are their multiplication tables at 100%? If not, where are they? How can they get a little higher? I don't say things like, "Johnny is better than Diego at math." That doesn't tell me anything about how well Johnny OR Diego is doing in math. So stop fretting! Quit thinking so much about how "behind" you are!
You've done this much. You are here. Your next few steps are these. The end goal is something like that. And by the time you reach it, you will probably have thought up a newer, end goal to chase after.