Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Evaluations make me puke
It's midterm season, which means performance evaluations. Which, restating the obvious here, make me puke.
I, frankly, am not very good at evaluating myself. The things that stand out to me - and seem important to me - are not exactly important to anyone else. In particular my CT, my supervisor, the university, the school, etc. Who, by the way, are the ones who decide whether I am competent enough to teach the public's children.
Another example. I think I'm good at some things, my CT has an opposite view. I think I'm not so good at some things, and once again, my CT has an opposite view. So far, I'm just getting confused.
My evaluation of myself, this time around, was a lot harder than what my CT gave me. I'm still not particularly confident yet, for a variety of reasons. Sure, I can rock an art lesson. This week I had spectacularly awesome art teaching (from my point of view, of course). But handling a full day classroom? I'm shaking in my teacher "power shoes," which, ironically, are supposed to give me more confidence.
I am the teacher. i AM the teacher. i am THE teacher. i am the TEACHER.
But just because I am, doesn't mean I'm good at it. And I want to be good at it. I thought I had talent for teaching, but now I'm not so sure. Which confuses me more because my grading of myself isn't to be trusted, apparently.
Oh well. I guess I'm still only good at eating, sleeping, and getting distracted. Right now, I'm cool with that.