The bridge to nowhere

Slightly discouraged tonight. One of the reasons is that I'm still burnt out from the fall semester and am not particularly looking forward to the new orientation next week. Is it REALLY next week already? Very rarely is 6 weeks of holiday not enough for me. Unfortunately, this is one of those times.

Another reason is that I spent the last two hours filling out online applications to three different school districts. I haven't clicked any submit buttons yet, even though two of the three are basically complete. The third is about half-way done.

Doing job hunting stuff is really nerve wrecking. Each time I take out my academic and employment history files I usually get this really queasy feeling. Am I good enough? Do I have a well-balanced as well as in-depth background? Are those repeater courses going to come back and bite me where it hurts most? Most of my career and school choices were made, frankly, on my wims at the time. I was pretty much directionless up until relatively recently, although a wider perspective would find that most people are directionless at one point or another. Or was it that I was going in so many different directions that it seemed like I was just going in a circle, like a set of tangent vectors? I had a lot of dreams and ambitions, they just were (still are, sort of) all over the place. Looking at the headlines doesn't really give a clue as to what I wanted for myself. Which makes me feel like I'm not good enough in comparison to other potential candidates. It took me a long time to learn how to make choices that were not negatively pressured by outside sources. Is it going to take another lengthy period to find a place where I'll be a good fit?

Anyway, I'm done with application work for tonight. I would like to apply to two more districts, but I'll save those for another day. In any case, I'm glad I got this thing started early.