40 minutes fast

Summers are for leisurely made and eaten Greek salads.

Dug up this 2009 article from the New York Times after talking to a colleague about our short lunch times. Apparently, when my colleague (in her 40s) was in school, she had a full hour for lunch from elementary through high school. I remember my high school lunch period being 50 minutes - enough time for me to go home for a decent lunch and get back with time to spare.

My middle school has a 40 minute lunch period, including the 5 minute passing period at the end for students to transition to 5th period. When I worked at the elementary level, I had a 35 minute lunch period.

It sucks in elementary - by the time the kids are all lined up, out the door, and safely under the supervision of the lunch time staff, there's about 25 minutes left until lunch is over. And it was expected at that school for teachers to start going out to the playground by 5 minutes before to pick up their class. My master teacher, Mr. B, taught me the trick of lining the class up at least 5 minutes before the bell so that when it finally did ring, we would be half-way to the cafeteria. This takes A LOT of practice, timing the lessons just right and making the morning sessions as productive as possible. Fortunately, that was my 5th/6th split and they were savvy enough to catch on - if we worked hard in the morning, we got to go to lunch first. And 5th/6th graders love being first.

My colleague, Ms. O, has this theory that kids no longer know what to do with themselves in their free time, leading to more behavior problems, which is why there is a seeming trend that school lunch periods are getting shorter and shorter. I say seeming because I haven't come across any documentation or studies on this. This is the first I've ever heard of Ms. O's theory, but it sort of makes sense.

So here's my first question I've ever directly posed to my blog audience (if there's anyone reading this): Have you noticed the trend of shorter lunch times? What do you make of it?

Summer 2011!

Like a great, big pile of dishes to be done after a party.

I finished! I survived! Those last two weeks of school, I have to honestly say I had checked out.

I switched with another teacher and had Great America duty with the 8th graders instead of the lake with the 7th graders. It was fun. Did not ride the drop tower. Did ride the upside down boat. Sat in the cool darkness of a Snoopy ice show after wandering around in the heat and sun for six hours. Told off a few of our boys who decided it was ok to go around shirtless. Told off even more of our girls who decided skimpy bikini tops were enough to wear in public places. It's as if they all stripped once they got off the bus.

Read names at advancement of my first period advisory class. Next year, I'm wearing a hat. We sit with our class, and walk up with our class, and walk back down at the end of the line with our class. It was oddly satisfying to see my students dressed up and behaving like proper grown up people. Proud of them.

Cleaned and checked out my room for the summer. Holy cow was there a long list of signatures to get! I didn't even check any books out this year and I still had to have the librarian sign my form. The most confusing thing was getting a handle on my students' textbooks. Thank goodness I only teach math, and that my kids are only issued one book each. Can't imagine what it's like if each kid had two or three books all year, like in English. Learned a few good lessons about textbook inventory time, which I will apply next year.

Next year. I will be a 2nd year teacher. Met up with a friend from UTEC this past Monday - one of the first summer-type things I did - and we both congratulated each other on a 1st year well done. She said,

"Who knew we would get this far?"

Who knew indeed? In June 2009, I was in despair of ever getting a teaching credential at all. In June 2010, I was in despair of ever getting a teaching job at all. Well, I got both with a lot of hard work, a lot of luck, a lot of persistence, and a lot of drama (on my part).

Less drama now, but I'm still relying on the hard work and luck and persistence. Just because it's summer doesn't mean it's completely a down-time season for me. I've got things in the works, projects to do, people to meet, lessons to re-work, assessments to create, ideas to fully flesh out.

But for this first week of summer, I'm doing nothing related to teaching. Gotta give myself that much.

15 level jump

Student: Ms. Ng! You have a tumblr?!
Me: Yes...
Student: Wow! You just upped like, 15 levels of coolness!
Me: Um, thanks.

The dangers of tutoring and reading emails from my non-school account at the same time. This kid has eyes like an eagle - or maybe she is just particularly sensitive to the word "tumblr" - to be able to see that one message title among 50 on my screen.

~~~

On a more disappointing note, I caught one kid whispering the answers of a test to the kid behind her during class today. The saddest part is that the test wasn't even for their overall grade! It was a diagnostic test to see how ready they are for Algebra 1.

I sent them to the office with referrals right away. Head of student services has a tendency to slap kids who cheat with an automatic Saturday School. Which is well deserved.

But I can't say how much that bummed me out. I really like these two kids too. I am so disappointed in them. They need to be disappointed in themselves.

Weird things

I think I just taught my worst lesson in front of my principal today. It was disjointed, disorganized, rather haphazard (see Monday's post).

But I kinda had fun. I think the students did too. Quote:

Me: So, tell me what P.S.T. stands for.

Student: Pacific Standard Time!

I had to laugh. I think my principal did too.

Note: P.S.T. is my short-hand for Perfect Square Trinomials.

Linked

Today's chain email.

One of my goals is to do one of these WCYDWT activities per term.

And this completely unrelated conversation:


Student: Ms. B, do you like spring break?

Me: Yes I do!

Student: Oh, I thought teachers didn't like breaks from school.


Debunking misconceptions since 1983. That's me.

Hamsters, the other white meat

These would be a closer guess.

This week has been full of zingers - too many to count. I come home, lock myself in my bathroom and laugh like a lunatic.

Because laughing in front of the students' faces would make them feel bad.

The best one this week so far:

Me: *makes a joke* What do you call a an ambulance for pigs?

*dramatic pause as all eyes stare at me*

Me: A HAMbulance! Hahahaha!

Student #1: I don't get it.

Student #2: Because HAM comes from pigs, dummy.

Student #1: REALLY? Miss, is that true? Ham comes from pigs??

Me: Yes.

Student #2: Where did you THINK ham comes from?

Student #1: I don't know, hamsters?

Student vs. Faculty BBall Challenge!

Why The Faculty Will Always Lose, Reason #212:

Student From The Top Of The Stands: (shouts at me during the warm up pre-game) Miss!! Go for a 3-pointer!

Me: What's a 3-pointer?

SFTOTS: It's where you shoot from the line!

Me: (looks at the crisscrossed gym floor) Which line?

SFTOTS: That one! No, THAT ONE!

Me: Kid, you've got to be more specific!


SFTOTS did eventually tell me which line was the 3-point line. Needless to say, I did not make the basket. Faculty lost, 51-30. It was awesome.

Overheard on the front lines 2

Where's the innocence? Where's the wonder?

::As I was passing out test papers::

Boy Wonder 1: (whispers to his friend) Man, this is going to be hard.

Boy Wonder 2: (whispers back) That's what she said.

::Me - ><::

I no longer wonder HOW 8th graders know these kinds of jokes - I consume too much of the internet to be naive enough to wonder that anymore. But it doesn't seem like they should be developmentally able to UNDERSTAND these jokes. That's what makes me wonder.

A truer word never said

Presenter at a district training I went to recently:

"Why do we still persist in teaching students to look for 'key' words in word problems? It's a WORD PROBLEM. All the words are important!"

I am 8th grader, hear me ask weird questions

A question of hair.

KoreanKid is in my 3rd period class. He is super smart, super clingy, and super weird. He has lived in this country for less than a year. His English vocabulary, especially when it comes to math terms, is limited, so whenever he asks questions, he becomes rather long winded and I've lost most of the class by the time he finishes asking.

I try not to call on him too often when he wants to ask a question during whole class teaching. This does not deter him from asking his long winded questions anyway.

Today, when he walked into the room, before the bell, he had this doozy of a question for me:

KoreanKid: Ms., is your hair magic?

Me: *gigantic*pause*trying*to*understand*what*he*means*

KoreanKid: Like, how come your hair is short one day and the next day it's long again?

Me: ...Um, probably because I tie my hair up some days, and leave it down other days.

Overheard on the front lines

I have two legs, what am I?

Actual test question: A farm as chickens and pigs. There are 13 animals in all. Altogether there are 40 legs. How many chickens are there? How many pigs?

Student says: Ms. B, how many legs does a chicken have?

An email with humility and sincerity

Dear Parent of T, I hope your day went well.

Here's an update on what I did for T today:

T came in to see me from around 3-4pm today. She was able to copy the original notes from sections 5.1 to 5.2. Unfortunately, another student had borrowed my 5.3 notes and have not returned them yet, so T did not copy those original notes. However, I did give her an impromptu lesson on 5.3 without the notes anyway.

Then, T took a different, abridged version of the 5.1-5.3 quiz. She was able to get a 100% on it. I put it in the grade book and it does not seem to affect her overall grade significantly - it is a B+, the same as before the retake today.

I would also like to reiterate that re-teaching happens in-class. If students would like more individual attention, they need to see me during my drop-in tutoring hours. I did give the quiz to T right after she returned: it would have been unwise to give her instruction on the quiz material while the rest of the class were sitting in the same room, taking the same quiz. That is why I instructed T to try the quiz anyway: test taking is also a method of learning, and she would be doing the same thing her fellow classmates were doing. I also told her to get a copy of the notes, either from a fellow classmate or from me after school, and to take home the 5.1-5.3 quiz for her re-take. The quiz that I had was the only quiz in my possession in her file, so I assumed she had turned in her re-take. If it is still the first quiz, as you believe it is, then I suppose T never turned in the re-take - of which I am certain I gave her. She was not the only student who was absent, and thus missed the quiz, so I had plenty on hand for them. I do toss out the old quizzes in order to keep the paperwork under control. Perhaps I should not do that anymore.

T never showed up during my tutoring hours to get the notes, so I assumed she was able to find a friend to copy the notes from. This, I also admit, was my fault. I do need to do more binder checks with all students in order to keep them accountable for their note-taking. T was doing well with in-class activities (albeit a little distracted, which is normal after coming back from such a big trip) so I decided to push forward. It is very difficult for students to catch up, as well as keep up with the current material, after a long absence. Pushing forward together with the whole class and doing review daily was a better choice, in my opinion, than holding T back because she had missed some material. I hope you understand, even if you don't agree with, my methods.

I feel the need to lay out my case, and hold that I did everything in my power to help T bridge the gap from her absences, even before today. I do not like the fact that I can't shake off the feeling that T's retake today felt unfair and unjust - not to T, but to her classmates. Although it's probably not your intention, I do not like how this situation feels as if I was being attacked for not doing my job. I am generally flexible with second, and third, and fourth chances. I am also flexible with giving extra time to students to turn in missed work. I do not, and will never, intend to disregard student needs and I hope you do not think I disregarded T, or her learning. I do my best with the time and resources that I have, both of which are limited in supply, so at some point there has to be an end.

I know you may not agree with me, but I still hope that this end is satisfying to you. I have really learned a lot from this event.

With humble regards and sincerity,

This Child Left Behind


**I've already pressed the send button, but on hindsight, it might have been better to swing this by my principal, or dept. chair first. whoops. oh well.

That's why

From Things We Forget.

Wannabe Basketball Boy: Why are you giving me a detention??!! I don't care if you give me a detention!

Me: Why? ::deep breath in preparation for the follow::

Why am I giving you a detention? Because you just did something that, if you were caught doing it out there in the real world, people would either think you are a criminal - or that you are mentally insane.

Frankly, I don't care that you don't care right now - I care that I care.  Because I do not want you to grow up thinking it is OK to take someone else's eraser and put it in your mouth.

I DO care that you grow up right, with socially acceptable manners and decorum. I DO care about my job as your teacher, so I care about doing everything in my power to help you realize that some day, you are going to care. And you ARE going to care, because I cared enough to interrupt any actual teaching right now to call you out on your shit.

This is me caring, kid. And all your attitude isn't going make me stop.

Ulcers all around!

Dear student,

You are not only giving me an ulcer, but you are giving yourself an ulcer. You have a freaking A in my advanced math class. You are doing WELL. Exceptionally so.

Just because you don't have an A+ doesn't mean you have to freak out.

Just because you are working your butt off, doesn't mean you can't relax too.

Yes, math is difficult. It isn't called ADVANCED MATH for nothing.

But you are doing well anyway.

Did I mention that you have an A? A high A, which will turn into an A+ once I've gotten the boat load of extra credit that you turned in today graded and recorded. So chill out. Please.

Sincerely,
Ms. B

P.S. I think I'll name my ulcer after you.

Can't help but smile

Student: Hey Ms. B!

Me: Yes?

Student: You're my favorite math teacher this year!

Me: I'm your ONLY math teacher this year.

Student: But you're my favorite!

You killed a family all because of the wrong inequality sign

Please don't kill the cat cookies.

I was showing first period how to write and solve an inequality that represents this situation:

The maximum load that a truck can hold is 1500 pounds. How much more can the truck hold if it already has 780 pounds of cargo?

And thus, the following conversation:

Student: How come the inequality sign can't be the other way around?

Me: Because then the cargo would weigh more than the maximum capacity, and then the truck driver would get pulled over by the police and get ticketed, then the truck driver would get in trouble with his boss and lose his job, and then the truck driver wouldn't be able to buy food for his family, and then they would starve.

Student: And then they die?

Me: And then they die - all because of the wrong inequality sign.

Student: Whoa.

Dear parents

Dear parents,

I'm sorry your child thinks 30 divided by 2 is ONE HUNDRED FREAKING TWENTY-THREE. This is all my fault, and in no way is it your child's own carelessness.

I'm sorry your child habitually DOESN'T WRITE THEIR NAME ON THEIR PAPER BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT IS TOO UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT 13 YEAR OLDS TO REMEMBER THEIR NAMES.

I'm sorry "my style" stressed out your child, especially when I teach the class how to use different methods to problem solve BECAUSE APPARENTLY THERE SHOULD ONLY BE ONE DAMN WAY TO SOLVE ANY PROBLEM.



I'm sorry your child's locker is the black hole for homework assignments.


I'm sorry your child is not 3000% confident in their math abilities. I'm sorry that humanity has such an unforgivable flaw as self-doubt.


In order to make this up to you, I will now prostrate myself before an on-coming BART train. I will sacrifice my first born upon the altar of Helicopter Parenting. I am unworthy to teach your precious, over-coddled child because all their faults are my faults. All their inconsistencies are my inconsistencies. Your child is perfect as the day is long, and I should be honored to even wipe the hand-grease that they leave behind on their desks every day.


Sincerely,
Me

In case of emergencies

Monday afternoon, 6th period, while going over emergency evacuation procedures:

Student: What do we do if you die? Who do we get directions from?

Me: There will be other teachers will help you.

Same Student: But what if all the teachers in the building die?

Me: Then the principal and vice principals, and other office staff will help you.

Same Student: But what if they ALL die? How can we be officially released if every adult at school gets taken down?

Me: Dude, if every single adult on campus gets taken down, you have full permission to run away, screaming your head off.

Iriguchi, deguchi, Taguchi desu!

Title of this entry is from a running gag, meaning "That's the entrance, that's the exit, and here's Taguchi!"

Setting: 3rd period pre-algebra class

Context: Reviewing rules and expectations of the classroom. I tell my students to grab lots of tissue before they sit down so that they don't have to get up to get it.

Student: But what if my nose suddenly starts running?

Me: Then you better catch it.

Half the class got it, half didn't. I thought it was pretty clever. Heh.

Overheard on the front lines

Trans-"parent."

Time: Thursday, 3:45 PM
Location: Can't Get Any More Central California Than This Central California Town
Activity: Cartooning class with 6-10 year olds

The set up:
I make my students raise their hands and wait for me to call on them before speaking. For the most part, I pretty much call on hands right when I see them because a) if I wait too long, sometimes the kid will shout out anyway, interrupting whatever I'm saying, which gets annoying, and b) I want my students to be actively engaged in class and having them feel good about voluntary participation satisfies that, in part.

This one particular class has one particular kid who has issues with forming the hand-raising habit. Probably because he's only about six years old, or because his previous teacher never really enforced a hand-raising rule, or because he's never had to ask for anything in his short, young life since he is just that well-taken care of by his mother. Or a combination of any of those reasons, and then some.

Thus, the following:

Me: (sees kid raise his hand without shouting out. I'm in the middle of explaining how to draw a tricky section of the day's cartoon so I make one of those flash decisions that teacher's make thousands of every day and wait until I've brought the class through the tricky part to call on him)

Mom #1: (unbeknownst to her, she speaks just several seconds before the completion of the tricky part) Excuse me! My child has his hand up!

Me: Yes, I know. Just a moment please.

Mom #1: Oh.

Lo, and behold, literally five seconds later we were done with the tricky drawing and I called on the kid. I was tempted to make the kid wait a little longer after his mom spoke. But I suppose making a student wait longer than necessary just to teach his mother a little patience wasn't so fair.

Later, during clean up time, I overheard this among the parents, including the mom from above:

Mom #1: So what do you do?

Mom #2: I'm a teacher.

Mom #1: Oh, so am I!

::insert typical filler info of where, what, how etc.::

Interesting. Dear Parent, if you are a teacher - an elementary teacher as you so claim - then you must know of that little strategy called "planned ignore," either for behavior or to create a smooth flow of instruction timing. She must have forgotten. I suppose being a parent, and advocating for your child takes precedence over your teacher training.

Which is reasonable. Parents are supposed to watch out for their child's needs and wants. But let's just say this: With each passing day, I'm getting more and more thankful that I will be working with middle school students - most of whose parents have mellowed out and relaxed their grip. Or so I should hope.

Note: Yes, I am biased slightly against helicopter parents, perhaps because of my experience with my own parents. I really wish some of them would just chill out, like the "Mom Who Stays Within A Radius Of Five Inches From Her Son At All Times" or "Father Who Does His Child's Art Work For Her During A Class That He Paid For In Order For His Child To Learn How To Do Art Herself" or "Parent Who Calls The Teacher Every Other Day Complaining About The B- Their Child Received On A Minor Assignment."

Or am I the one that is really too chill, as some parents have implied to me? I don't think so, but doubt settles in after a full summer of art teaching where I interact mainly with helicopters.